I recently finished reading the 5th book in the “Before the Coffee Gets Cold” series called “Before We Forget Kindness”. For those not familiar with this book series, it is written by Japanese author Toshikazu Kawaguchi, and takes the reader through small stories of individuals who go back in time to meet with loved ones. The caveat with going back in time is that you cannot change the future. So then why return at all? Although these characters cannot change the future, they still find it worth visiting the past to get closure or clarity with those they want to talk to in the past. Each book has a theme, such as this one being about kindness, but it seems like each book features at least one person who goes to see a relative or friend who has passed away. Sometimes the character had a falling out with the person visiting the past and those two never saw each other again before the death of one of them. However, usually once visiting the past, the character filled with regret gets closure after not seeing the person before their death. Usually the characters find out the perspective of the other person and how they did not get the full story before cutting ties between each other. To sum it up, these books are simple, short reads, but at the same time makes you think about your own life and the relationships you have with people and the importance of speaking to the ones you love, no matter if you have a falling out or not.
As well, the New York Times listed this book as one of the books that people read in times when they seek comfort or during tumultuous times in their lives. The article I read talked about how sometimes when it seems like people’s worlds are crumbling down, they seek books like this that are wholesome to feel like you escape chaos. What does that mean about me? Let’s just say it has been a whirlwind of a past two months and I have enjoyed these books in not only seeking comfort but also reflecting on my own life and valuing the people who are in it (as well as sometimes escaping the reality of the news).
To return to the theme of kindness, I think this is as good as time as ever to talk about it. The definition of kindness is “the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate” (reference below). I think sometimes we always get so wrapped up in our own lives, we don’t think as much about the feelings of others. Maybe someone snapped at you today, but did they do that because of you or because of the greater situation they are in (I am not saying it is ok to snap at people, but just giving an example)? There are some days when all of my students crowd around my desk and touch all of my things (which is usually ok because there are a lot of toys on my desk and activities for my students to do). However, some days I am tired, either because I taught a lot or also because I went to bed too late, and I get frustrated that all of my students are so close to me. Instead of getting outwardly frustrated, I have tried my best to tell everyone that right now I am busy and that maybe if they could go outside and play with their friends. Sometimes I let them stay and I continue on. My students don’t know that I am frustrated, but I also need to think about their lives too. Maybe it is their highlight of their day to play with the toys at my desk? Maybe they look forward to the daily high fives and stickers from me? I never know the home life of my students but it is best to always keep a positive attitude.
It is a symptom of being human to feel frustration or anger at those when you have differences or in general you are just not happy. But every time I read these books (like I said there are 5 in this series) I always leave feeling refreshed of the feeling of how lucky I am to be where I am in my life. I feel lucky that I have enthusiastic students who love to play and joke. I feel lucky that I have a loving host family. I feel lucky that I get 3 meals a day, all of which include rice (which I have grown to love). I feel lucky to be in Cambodia another year. And I think that is something we don’t acknowledge enough.
My host sister called me on Wednesday and asked me “do you want to go to a housewarming party” and I replied with “no it is ok”. I did not want to go because usually I know no one at these events and they cost a lot of money, which usually my host family pays for and I did not want to put that burden on them. However my sister asked me again “please come” and I said ok you know what I will go this time. I come up to the house with a couple of tables outside which have people eating dinner and drinking. Who do I see at the party? Some of the teachers from my school and my Khmer tutor. It went from the feeling of not knowing someone to turning around and everywhere I looked knowing at least one person. My family and I sat at a table with one of the teachers from my school: he teaches 6C, conveniently the class that I taught that morning. I didn’t know him very well, just the usual hellos and goodbyes when I went to teach his class, and I know some of his kids because they learn at the same school I teach at. However after this house warming party (which turned out just to be a small house party/get-together) my host family and I got to know this co-teacher more. We were all chatting and making jokes (my best joke to translate would be my host sister telling her husband to be careful drinking too much or he will be sick and then I said yeah like a headache, I promise it is funnier in Khmer). We talked about how the 6th grade soccer team lost to some kids from a different school in their soccer match last week and we talked about Khmer food and how I want to learn how to cook Khmer food. It felt warming to actually participate in a conversation at the table. Usually at events that I go to where I don’t know anyone except my host sister, I don’t talk, I sit and I eat. But on Wednesday, it felt natural to talk. This ended the time at this house party with the teacher from my school wanting to plan a going away party for me before I go to Phnom Penh to assist in a Project Design and Management course as well as before I go on vacation. Once again I felt welcome and really part of the community that this party would happen. I was happy talking and chatting, making jokes, making futures plans with my community. And it all spurred from the kindness that comes from the people I know in my town.
Kindness doesn’t come easy. A lot of times we want to just think about ourselves. It is important to worry about yourself and take care of yourself, but also it is important to go beyond just you and to think about those around you. Those in your community, city, state, province, country, and world. I wouldn’t feel as welcome in my community if the people in it were not as accepting as they are. Despite being from a different country, and looking a little silly on my Peace Corps issued bike (because everyone drives a moto here), they welcome me with open arms and they take care of me. Despite not being Buddhist (the national religion of Cambodia), despite not being a natural born Khmer speaker (the native language of Cambodia), despite so many other differences, I was still welcomed.
Things are still the same for me in my town: teaching, sometimes going to an event, trainings in Phnom Penh. As I am already well into my second year of teaching and approaching our small break, I continue to reflect on my time in the Peace Corps, how it has had its ups and downs but also having a continued theme: kindness. I ask everyone to continue to reflect on their lives, their relationships with others, and the act of kindness, whether that be big or small.
NYT article: “In Tumultuous Times, Readers Turn to Healing Fiction” : https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/07/books/healing-fiction-japan-korea-before-the-coffee-gets-cold.html
Book series: Before the Coffee Gets Cold by Toshikazu Kawaguchi
Definition of kindness: https://languages.oup.com/google-dictionary-en/
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