This past weekend, my family and I went to a wedding in the Pursat province of Cambodia! Usually, friends and guests from the neighborhood only go to wedding parties on the second day of the wedding at night, to celebrate the married couple, but because the wedding was for my "brother" we went down to the province for the whole one-and-a-half day affair. I did not realize it until the wedding started, but since I was a relative of the groom, I participated in most of the wedding (meaning I sat on the main stag area instead of in the crowd). So here are all of the things that I did! Who knew my first wedding to participate in as an adult would be a Khmer wedding.
On Friday, we left in the afternoon to drive down to Pursat. Another relative picked us up in their car, because my family does not have one, and we headed off! Cambodian family road trips and U.S. road trips are similar. We had car snacks, most of us slept or looked out the window, we had to stop on the side of the road for one of the kids to have an emergency bathroom break, and we asked many people for directions when we got lost. In another car, some of the high school students came with us so they could be a part of the wedding (I do not know the best way to describe it, but there were three girls and three boys who are a part of a wedding and I kind of equate this to bridesmaids and groomsmen, but it is different). Friday night at the bride's house, we hung out, watched the rice fields and ate dinner. We all slept in the living room of the house, but that night it was just my family that was there.
On Saturday, we all woke up at 5:30am. Many of you probably think this is early, but for Cambodian standards this is pretty normal (and some would say late). I did not sleep very well but it was ok! We all got dressed and started to walk to the market to get breakfast, but then we took the car because it was too far. We had kutiev for breakfast, and I was in desperate need of a coffee. I called my host mom (who went go go get her hair done) if she could get me a coffee because I was dying and she said yes she was planning on getting me one anyways (she knows me too well!!) We came back home and walked around in the rice fields again, and also had a snack at 9am. I ended up playing hide and seek with my host siblings before changing. After that, I was so tired from not sleeping from the night before and so I fell asleep on the floor in the house to take a nap.
At around 1pm, I woke up to everyone in the room geting ready for the wedding (so this was my cue to get up and get ready too). I had already done my hair, but my host mom asked if I wanted the make-up artists to do my makeup. As always, I will never say no if I experience something new! I got a little nervous when the make-up partist started shaving my eyebrows a little bit (but honestly she cleaned them up very nicely in the end). This was my first time ever having my makeup done for a huge event so it was fun! I put on my Khmer traditional outfit and we took photos with the pretty backdrop! For Khmer traditional clothes, usually women wear a traditional sampot and then a matching top or a variation of something that matches. The top usually is fitted at the top and then flares out at the waist.
When the wedding was about to start, I was ready to sit in the crowd with everyone else watch. But no. My host mom said "follow me Alex" and we ended up sitting right next to the bride and groom with all of the other family members. The first ceremony was with all of the families and then the second ceremony included a monk blessing everyone and throwing flowers.
That night, I went to go shower and put on my pajamas to go to sleep. But then my host mom told me to change into pants because we were going to dance for fun (was not expecting this but I was like ok sounds good!) The music was Khmer remixes and it was BLASTING. When I mean blasting, I mean that the metal door to the bathroom was vibrating and shaking. Most of the older members of the family sat and watched, but the kids, my host mom, some others, and me danced. It was fun, but I was so tired and most people went inside, so I decided it was time to sleep. But just because most people stopped dancing, does not mean the music stopped. There were still some people hanging out outside, so the music continued. So when I tried to go to sleep (this time I was on the floor next to a grandma and my host niece), I was baffled they. fell asleep with the music blasting and all of the lights on. I tried everything to sleep (aka covering my eyes, tuning out the music) but it didn't work. The music stopped at 11pm, but the grandma next to me snored a little and so I had to get up and get my ear plugs (thank goodness I packed them). I then tried to sleep.
3:30am. I hear people moving around and getting ready! I was shocked! I think in itself this was a learning moment that my host family can go to sleep with anything going on in the background and can also wake up at the earliest hours of the day (some would even say 3:30 is still night if you stay awake too long).
It was already time to get ready again for the first event which started at 7. We all walked down the street with fruits, to then bring them back to the bride's house. Usually, it is the groom's family and the groom walk to meet the bride's family. Some younger members of the family were wearing the traditional Khmer outfits for this as well. After that, we came back to sit in the area where the other ceremonies take place. The groom and the bride processed in and the guest threw flowers onto the bride and groom and the men and women who were the groomsmen/bridesmaids.
After this there was a kind of "funny" part where two of the performers make some jokes and go around to people and ask them questions, and even made one of them dance with them!
One of the the people came up to me with the microphone and asked me if I knew Khmer and I said only a little bit. He then asked me so many questions and I did not know the answer (also trying to listen to Khmer through a microphone is hard) and so I think me stumbling made everyone laugh a little too. Then there was the hair cutting ceremony (something that is symbollic, they do not actually cut the hair) which shows the start of the couple's new life together. Once again, I thought other people would do this and I would just watch, but family members get to "cut" the hair too, and so I got to participate. The last even before a break was giving the couple money and tying a red string on their wrists. After this, we all took a break for the afternoon and changed and hung out. Some people had to return home that afternoon, but my family did not come back until Monday morning because I cannot travel at night.
I took a couple of naps in and out and then we changed and got dressed around 4:30pm for the party! We took photos again before the party, and I joined the people participating in the wedding by greeting all of the guests that walked in. Usually, the bridesmaids and groomsmen hand out candy to the guests and greet them with the hands together at the chin. After the greeting, we went to go eat dinner and watch the concert (did I mention there is a huge concert going on while people eat dinner!) While I was eating some of the guests came up to me (mid bite into a piece of chicken) and told me to come dance now, and so I did. We all danced and then I sat back down to eat some food. I changed into a comfortable dress and then we danced more and more. Around 10:30pm, I decided I really needed to sleep. I fell asleep at 11, and despite the loud music still blasting, I was so tired that I fell right asleep perfectly. We woke up at 6:30 (which is sleeping in) and caught a taxi back home at 7!
Main takeaways from this experience and other facts:
-the bride wears so many different outfits and changes at least 10x to wear different colors
-all of the ceremonies have very special and significant meanings to them and it is so beautiful to see a different type of wedding ceremony than what I am used to
-never be afraid to participate! being from the U.S., I am sometimes very timid, but when the guests asked for me to dance with them during the party, I felt like I shouldn't be nervous! (and a reminder that all of the Khmer people I have met are so nice)
-Cambodians can sleep at any time (early or late) and still wake up early and look incredible
-my host mom knows that I need coffee to function that early in the morning
-sharing a bathroom with the other 60 family members there is not that bad (I never had to wait that long to shower)
-one day of rest after the wedding is absolutely necessary
-watching the rice fields during my break is still my favorite thing to do! -a Khmer wedding, like any wedding, is like a dream! you are somewhere new
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